Aam Aadmi!

'Aam Aadhmi' - This has been the 'Brahmastra' of the politicians for quite sometime.

It is in the NDTVs, in CCN-IBNs, Times  nows, even in the BBC-Worlds and for the shock of the milk shakes, it can be seen even in the Dinakarans ..

I'm still trying to decipher what they actually mean by this word .. I think ..

-------

Old Trafford. Attendance 75 thousands plus.

The second leg of a Champions league knock out round match. Milan are down by 1 goal in their previous leg. To add to it, they are 1 man down now. Now, for an ardent Milan fan, what will Kaka look like? God or what? Even gods, if they do exist, would prolly be having some prentices for help.

But Kaka, he has to do it. He as in, HE personally.

------

Delhi - Summer. 'Tis a pleasant late february morning.

The time when our Finance ministers get their share of the Lime lights.

I wonder what will these ministers be actually doing on a day like the V day n all. Will they be really working out the GDPs of the fiscal deficits of the tax cuts of the ... or will they have some rosy time for other stuff?

If they do the latter, then no other go, they personally have to do it. But for the first one, preparing the budget, do they do it all alone? No way! They ll probably have no idea about the tax cuts or something that they proudly announce.

But no panicky! They ll have a sweet secy, who in turn will have some m x n numbers of secys of secys all tied under some bond! (which the secys mom only knows!).

Anyway the bottom line is this - If you are someone on the dais, you don't really have to have any idea about your chair. There will be some people behind the screens holding the knobs.

-------

Everywhere. A not so comfortable business formals.

You are being asked about the Initial setting time of cement. You don't remember and what you say is 'I don't remember'. Rest is obvious, you will be kicked off.

As a matetr of fact, being a civil engineering graduate these things are the basic stuff that you need to know for your SSLC'sake.

But you don't. 

----------

So it's like this - When Kaka scores a goal, he scores it. When Lalu presents the budget, they prepare it. When you don't remember something, you forget it. 

Rest is, Kaka gets the Best Player of the Year award. Laluji gets elected the next time and becomes some minister. But sadly, you get kicked off.

So there you go, you are the 'aam aadhmi'! (So those of you who don't know the Initial Setting time of cement, you are Aam Aadhmis!)

But, now is the election time, as in, the Aam Aadhmis time. Everytime it happens, the fraternity of Aam Aadhmis cheer up and elect the Cream Aadhmis.

We are actually left with a little option here. Either Raam aadhmis or the Haath aadhmis. Oh ya, prolly this time to add to the masthi there are these Theesri aadhmis (Dont read as third rates).

So, there it is 3 options in front of you.

But, our fraternity just loves fun you know. If they say 273 is the majic number, What we do, we split it up and somehow make it to a 10 or 15 short of majority on either side.

So what happens then, an allegation about 'MPs on sale' is raised everytime. So why don't we think and chew the options we have.

When you are given with 3 options, then why do you go for an Independant candidate? You think he can become the PM all alone? If you are gonna do that, better don't vote. The SC has so many other cases to deal with other than the 'MPS on sale' business. 

Basically, when you are voting for a particular PM, then atleast get to know who is the local ally of that party. Ofcourse they do change the allies every fortnight. But when they finish all those farcical stuff and settle out for a particular ally atleast get to know that info. I mean, people who say 'I would like Mr. Chidambaram to be the FM. But, lotus is my favourite waterver!' Such aadhmis in the brotherhood, please don't add up your crap. 'Tis already a Mess!

 

Oh sheeit, Sorry for the silly stuff. What I intended to say was .. the coming 4 months of dramas will be really really entertaining. Try following and get entertained! 

ErrrR - evolution ?

About three million years ago, some African apes that had been living in trees came down to the ground. There was nothing special about these apes. Their brains were small and they weren't especially smart. They didn't have claws or sharp teeth for weapons. They weren't particularly strong, or fast. They were certainly no match for a leopard. But because they were short, they started standing upright on their hind legs, to see over the tall African grass. That's how it began. just some ordinary apes, looking out over the grass. As time went on, the apes stood upright more and more of the time. That left their hands free to do things. Like all apes, they were tool-users. Chimps, for example, use twigs to fish for termites. That sort of thing. As time went on, our ape ancestors developed more complex tools. That stimulated their brains to grow in size and complexity. It began a spiral: more complex tools provoked more complex brains which provoked more complex tools. And our brains literally exploded, in evolutionary terms. Our brains more than doubled in size in about a million years. And that caused problems for us.

Like getting born, for one thing. Big brains can't pass through the birth canal - which means that both mother and child die in childbirth. That's no good. What's the evolutionary response? To make human infants born very early in development, when their brains are still small enough to pass through the pelvis. It's the marsupial solution - most of the growth occurs outside the mother's body. A human child's brain doubles during the first year of life. That's a good solution to the problem of birth, but it creates other problems. It means that human children will be helpless long after birth. The infants of many mammals can walk minutes after they're born. Others walk in a few days, or weeks. But human infants can't walk for a full year. They can't feed themselves for even longer. So one price of big brains was that our ancestors had to evolve new, stable social organizations to permit long-term child care, lasting many years, These big-brained, totally helpless children changed society. But that's not the most important consequence.

Being born in an immature state means that human infants have unformed brains. They don't arrive with a lot of built-in, instinctive behavior. Instinctively, a newborn infant can suck and grasp, but that's about all. Complex human behavior is not instinctive at all. So human societies had to develop education to train the brains of their children. To teach them how to act. Every human society expends tremendous time and energy teaching its children the right way to be-have. You look at a simpler society, in the rain forest somewhere, and you find that every child is born into a network of adults responsible for helping to raise the child. Not only parents, but aunts and uncles and grandparents and tribal elders. Some teach the child to hunt or gather food or weave; some teach them about sex or war. But the responsibilities are clearly defined, and if a child does not have, say, a mother's brother's sister to do a specific teaching job, the people get together and appoint a substitute. Because raising children is, in a sense, the reason the society exists in the first place. It's the most important thing that hap-pens, and it's the culmination of all the tools and language and social structure that has evolved. And eventually, a few million years later, we have people using computers.

Note: All material has been lifted verbatim from The Lost World by Michael Crichton. I found this passage on Natural Selection and Evolution intriguing and also slightly depressing because of what I think this might imply and more importantly I did not have the energy to write up something original hence the... what was the word again... innovative piracy.

Brick in the Wall #2

1. Start music .. 'Kaadhal rojave' .. @ 'velli odai pesinaal' change the song .. 'Pesugiren pesugiren' .. @ 'Kadal thaandum paravaikelaam' change to 'paravaye engu irukiraai' @ 'paarkum dhisaigal elaam, paavai mugam varume' change to 'I need serenity' .. @2nd 'why do we dream' change to 'Linger' .. @ 'Do u hav to, do u hav to' change to 'aa ante amalapuram' .. what do you think you ll feel like? Bull Shit, I swear!

2. Start slowly with 2 jamuns, then 2 idlys, then a chola poori, then a lil of curd rice with basundhi .. a simple neat dinner, isn't it? now, just go for a chocolae shake! I swear, you ll see yourself puking out the heaviest of a Saravana bhawan bill nice and clean. To add to your woe, if you had had a dear lunch that day, then I guess, you ll probably puke out the Value Added Tax too!

3. Just hang out around the Queen Mary's and start ogling at the plethora of pulchritude, I belive, you ll end up switching off your steam for atleast a week.

A motley of too good things is always gonna be too much to be good.

Well, a beautiful red with a prosperous green weaved up along with blue, yellow and company .. Bloody!? Wow!? Rainbow!

Oh I'm sorry, a beautiful Kashmir with a prosperous Gujarat weaved up with Kerala, Bengal and company .. Bloody!? Wow!? India!

Sirithu Maghizhungal

This is my first try of a post here and expect MAN-i-Gaandan to join us soon with some stuff to tickle the funny bone while Rang-a-sami will be blazing out all the serious Guns. So let me start with a small introduction here, the Colorful God(i meant Rang-a-sami) is very generous to Call us Machi and Mapla. But i prefer calling the other two here as NettaPangaali and KuttaPangaali...and Myself GunduPangaali...i dunno why but i get an insane pleasure in calling Rang-a-sami as Pangaali.I know you all laughed at this since i called myself GunduPangaali. KuttaPangaali asked me to Post some Comedy Stuff here. But enakku Konjam Puriyala...Comedy aa Post panna sonnaana? or Post la Comedy Panna sonnaana? but anyway trying both of them out

First, Post la Comedy panradhu

Madrasi and a Keralite travelling together. And a Crow Shits on the Madrasi. keralite starts the convo on seeing this
Keralite: Endha idhu?? (in Mallu means "What is this" and in tamil means "Is it mine")
Madrasi: Unnodadhu illa kaka vodadhu!!!

Next, Comedy aa Post panradhu

‮Madrasi and a Keralite travelling together. And a Crow Shits on the Madrasi. keralite starts the convo on seeing this
Keralite: Endha idhu?? (in Mallu means "What is this" and in tamil means "Is it mine")
Madrasi: Illa pa idhu kaka vodadhu!!!(in tamil means "it is Crow's")

Brick in the Wall #1

I came across one blog where the author had made his first kavidhai attempt. Here's the kavidhai ..

"Kuyila puduchu koondil adachu paada solgira ulagam,

 Mayila puduchu kaala odachu aada solgira ulagam"

wtf? your kavidhai? an attempt at all?

With these sighs I hastily moved on to read the comments on the post ..

One short skirted girl had said - "Hey really cool! gr8 work ya! :)"

wtb? Does she have any idea about Uncle *ehru's Syphillis? She for sure, will not know why saala pappu can't dance. Perhaps, she might not even know that War or Not, India will be on the losing end!

It seems to me that, in the whole world she knows only about commenting on his blog with a standard ':)' plugged in with a 'ya' (Oh ya she also knows to manage herslef, with the shortest of skirts all thorugh a day, If you know wat I mean ..)

And then a funky guy's comment - "Dude! First line copy dhane? Even then, your own second line is too gud man! rhymes so well with the previous one!"

wtt? Probably he should be one of those guys who would watch thirupachi, sivakasi, pokkiri, kuruvi, villu, etcetera, back to bac to ba to b to back again, all with the same 'I'm on d moon'mood! 

Then I thought whether the fault was with the girl or her short skirt? with the guy or vijay movie loving funky attitude?

But then I realised it was not their fault. Oh silly author, you!

Its really a bit difficult to read in which mood your second person is in.

For ex, Me says 'Piss' before he does. But how do you get to know his feeling? I mean exactly how? (Ofcourse, you can try it for yourself .. Even then the exact feel, No you won't get it!)

I decide to tell ya three kinds of things ..

Things which you can understand what the 1st person would have probably meant.

You switch on the TV, tune in the channel where you can get to hear the latest of songs .. 

but what you see is this .. a 2 cm thick lipstick lining - redder than Russia, a not at all catchy kohl lining - blacker than Africa, salwar - yellower than shit  etc etc .. (I do get a feeling that a blind man can somehow picturise these grotesque babos!)

now to save you from anymore puking feel, one random guy calls her up, and it goes like this ..

Paagal guy:Hello madam .. You are looking so beautiful today ..

Babo: oh thanx Mr. X

Guy: your hair style is too gud today ..

Babo: he he ..

Guy: your voice is so so chweettt ..

Babo: he thanx he he heee ..

.. after sometime it starts all over again ..

Guy: madam, you are looking ...

WTF????

you can easily get to kno what that random guy feels about that girl .. Its exactly what anyone would have felt .. Yuk! but then how he goes about puking is like this .. ring her up and drive her crazy ..

and for the babooner than babos gal, she simply conveys this message .. All ya sane guys out there, Its high time you changed the channel, get lost for over 1000 miles and better watch this video of a tigress loving lion or something ..

Things you can kindof half understand what the 1st person would have possibly meant.

If Me says: "Me can ascribe m + n reasons for smoking, but nothing is true. For others it's a time pass. For time, it passess you"

Then, Machi will say: "There are no real conspirers or atleast no one greater than YOU..."

I mean though both are one and d same, Machi will never know what Me probably meant, but he half understands what he would have possibly meant.

Things which are all Hindi & English for ya and you wont get any thing, I mean any a thing!

Try untentionally overhearing any of those babies who have got their babos .. I mean those silly billy pairs who go on and on with their eternal kadalais .. You ll never ever get a thing. (Its highly probable that there isn't really a thing .. still for the sake of it ..) 

And for the Post script of this .. I have to say that the blogger who had posted his first attempt on kavidhai had this P.S “It’s not my own, ppl. Its just a aatais from a movie song”

After reading the P.S a bit late, the background mujic started ..

Theres a sign on the wall,
But she wants to be sure
cause you know sometimes words have two meanings!

Do Me Stub it or Puff it?

Pradeep holds it and flags it off .. its last rites, his first one though ..

 oh! Oh! In and out .. out and in .. nice and smooth .. in and out .. out and in ..

 That’s how Me felt when he had his first puff ..

 Now Me thinks .. 

"When you want something, all the world conspires in helping you to achieve it" .. agree? Disagree? Me disagrees ..

He has n number of reasons to disagree .. For instance, Me smoking ..

Conspirer No. 1 - Eden Gardens: An atomic fraction of a second escapes Sachin's hold .. it is the 13th of March 96 .. Out he goes .. 100 million dreams punctuated with a comma (which is yet to be met), but for the sponsors’ dream it was a full stop.

Coz had India won the Wills world cup,

the lungs of the Indians would be puffing in their time and venting out Wills' smoke.

Here Me misses a Background mujic? 

Keep searching .. Keep on searching ..

this search goes on, On and ON ..

Frantic-tic-tic-tic-tic and never a tock...

Yes never a tock...

Conspirer No. 2 - Sivakasi: The search for a Man, before his birth .. We have this notion - A prospective child is a Male child and a fairer child is a satanic child!

So the search goes on .. XX-XX-XX-XX .. never a Y .. yes never a Man.

All is ‘fair’ in love and labour!

4 fairies in a row. No other go, they are left to roll, roll the match sticks.

For roll and roll, life is love .. keep rolling until its time for her to start the search afresh!

A shameless search and rolling business.

The search is shameful since it's always gonna be a 'fair' deal for every ‘prospective’ one.

And the rolling too .. aaarggghhh! the rolling of hands .. Its not the hands .. It is the smoke under the fairies' stolidity .. So they don't get to see .. see the smoke .. smoke of the elixir wrapped in a paper .. eternal smoke released by an ephemeral lung .. 

Like this, Me has some m + n number of conspirers to be listed ..

And yes Me agrees .. The world does conspire, but not to help you, not to let you achieve .. But just as a pass time!

 For you hold the cig .. smoke it out .. you pass time .. time passes you .. Conspiracies pass theirs'.. Thats that and nothing more .. 

No one to conpspire for the sake of you .. world is what? 

You hold it, it passess you .. you pass it on, it holds you out!    

Maapla, Machi n Me

Maapla is. Maapla writes. Maapla's Blog.

So is Machi. So does Machi. Machi's Blog. 

Me am. Me think. Me will.

Avanga moonu paeru .. Machi, Maapla & Me.

Naan, Aval, Adhu;

Thee, Theeba, Thigil;

Udal, Porul, Aanandhi;

Aram, Porul, Inbam! ..

ippo paathukiteengana sir .. 'maapla sir' avara pathi ipdi solraar - "To say I'm tall would be an understatement. To say that if you climbed high enough that you could see me silhouetted against the horizon would be an exaggeration (that my vertically challenged .." dai maapla niruthu!

ippo 'maapla sir' machi a pathi apdi solraar - "To say he's fat would be an understatement. To say that if you go around fast enough ahem .. ahem .. would be an exaggeration (that his circularly challenged .." usssshhh!

ippo me have chosen Me to apdi ipdi solla about 'Me' ..

but Me is too busy ..

busy contemplating ..

busy from the day he heard thalaivar saying this famous dialog "Amma enna aen karupaa petha?" ..

busy contemplating whether to repeat the same dialog "aen ma enna karuppa .." 

or to use Mr. Yuvan Shankar Raja's one's own 'innovative piracy' and ask "aen ma enna olli ya petha?"

or talk about the even more grave issue "aen ma enna short( or 'kuttaya' which is too harsh a word!) a petha?"

Ok let me cut the Mes' crap!

Arundhathi roy's Estha and Rahel have this curious habit of uttering 'bow' before they actually bow ..

Its like, to do something, you need to say that thing ..

You reach the Loo .. On your mark, Get set and utter it! 'P***' to Go! 

Here Me says .. 'start' and he starts ..

A lot of things are to be said ..

1) Without any prior warning Me ll use 'Innovative piracy' bcoz thats his only source!

2) From hereon, for all purposes me will mean myself and Me will mean the narrator cum protagonist of all the  hereafter posts!

3) Me prefers using On d way instead of by the way .. (Like this, there ll be n number of surrogates for the correct ones) .. Never mind them!

PS: Only really really serious writing here by 'Me'..

Prolly Funny side ll be taken care by machi and maapla!